Luahan hati

Bagaimanakah kita bermula?

Genap 2 tahun kita kenal hati budi

1 tahun indah

1 tahun derita

Aku pernah janji

"1 tahun setengah saya akan nikahi awak"

Janji seorang budak yang tak cukup akal

Bodoh

Itu aku

Bangang

Pun aku

Jadi apa pula anda

1 bulan aku fikir hal ini,

antara kau dan aku

silap aku disedari

silap silap aku yang silap

Adakah ini jalan mudah

Adakah ini jalan singkat

Mana aku tahu

Aku bukan yang Maha mengetahui

Dia sahaja yang tahu

dan Dia yang rasa apa aku rasa

Bukan kau tapi Dia

Selalu aku alami ini

Bercinta dengan angan angan

Berkasih dengan bayang bayang

Tiada reaksi di situ

Hanya tunggul semata mata

Awak,

Maafkan saya

Saya sia-siakan awak

Saya tak hargai awak

Saya buat awak mengalah pada Kita

Awak berubah sejak itu

Awak tak cintai saya lagi

Awak tak sayang saya lagi

Awak hanya mahu saya berubah

berubah dan berubah lagi

Awak tahu tak cinta saya tak berubah pada awak?

Yang awak tahu saya tak layak untuk awak

Saya buta tak nampak ini semua

Saya sedar awak bukan untuk saya

Saya harap awak bahgia bila saya buat benda ini

Saya berserah pada takdir dan jodoh

*Dah luah rasa di hati, sambung lain kali

Semuanya tersirat

Lihatlah
Dimana anda berada
Tak perlu gusar
Kerna kau tidak kesorangan

Jangan sia-siakan hari anda

Jangan biarkan ia berlalu begitu sahaja

Jangan akhiri dengan tanda tanya
Semuanya tersirat

Hidup ini singkat
maka belajarlah dari kesilapan

dan pertahankan dengan keputusan yang telah diambil

Hadapi hidup ini dengan jelas

sedialah memberi dan tidak bakhil

Jangan sia-siakan hari anda

Jangan biarkan ia berlalu begitu sahaja

Jangan akhiri dengan tanda tanya
Semuanya tersirat

Kau telah ada matlamat

Kau akan selesa sekarang

Dengan apa keputusan yang kau buat

Kau pasti berjaya

Kerana ini...

Pada seketika aku merasa terlena

Dibuai mimpi yang asyiknya

Dengan tiba-tiba

Aku terjaga
Aku merasakan seram sejuk
Lalu dia membisikkan sesuatu kepada ku

(kerana...)

Kerana ini

aku telah hadir pada malam ini

Terjagalah

Lihat pada mataku ini dan genggam tanganku

Serahkan dirimu pada ku

Terlah lama ku nantikan

Untuk tiba saat ini

Bagi melenyapkan segala ketakutan diri ini

Di sebalik kabus ini

Terasa sengatan mu itu

maka tercalit kemerahan di bibirmu

Siapakah gerangan mu itu

Dimanakah ku pernah melihatmu

Tak perlu kau gusar

Kerana ini

Aku telah menjelma di sisi mu

Sedarlah

perhatikan diri ini dan hulurkan tangan

Tunduk pada ku

Bawaku pergi sejauh mungkin

Pejamkan mata

Tarik nafas sedalam mungkin

hingga ke hujung dunia

Demi kau
aku hadir pada malam ini

Terjagalah

Dan lihat pada mata ku ini

Kerna kau

terbang lah bersama ku
Dan bangkitlah

Perbaharui hidup mu

Kerna kau milik aku

Serahkan segalanya pada ku

Di dasar permukaan

Pernahkah ada masa sesuai

Kau telah membuat aku mempercayai

Satu hari kau akan ada di sisi ini

Pabila bintang berselari

Pabila kau tidak menyendiri

Sentiasa ku mencari petunjuk

Lalu ku menunggu di bayang hati ini

Tapi masa tetap tidak menyebelahi

Sekumit imbasan apa yang mungkin terjadi

Namun ini terlampau apuh untuk menjadi realiti

Terlalu sedih kerna tidak mengerti

Kau sedang mencari kata-kata

Untuk saat yang sesuai

Namun saat itu tidak pernah hadir

Tidak sanggup kau melihat kerentakkan hati ini

Aku sanggup menjerit hanya untuk didengari

Umpama menjerit pada bintang-bintang

Sanggup terluka hanya untuk merasa

Masih kau tak mampu berkata

Meraba-raba ku dalam kegelapan

sentiasa ada yang tersembunyi

Hingga satu hari berhenti

Terlupa apa yang aku dambakan sangat

Dan lenyap didalam kegelapan

Lalu menjadi penderitaan

Yang tidak pernah pergi

Hingga apa yang tinggal

Terkubur di dasar permukaan

Di dasar permukaan

Jauh dari syurga

Tiada siapa mempunyai jawapan yang sebenar-benarnya

sekali lagi sukar untuk aku hadapi setiap hari

menyimpan hingga berbuku buku

tak terkata apa di minda

salah faham aku dalam kelegaan

Setiap hari aku bermuka muka

sangat membantu aku

rasa tidak bermaya hadapi ia seorang diri

sukar untuk gambarkan

yang aku tidak mampu mengubah siapa diri ini

rasa yang tiada penamatnya

Telah aku lakukan apa yang di minta

membuatkan aku tiada erti untuk hidup

Hadir tidak sempurna

harga yang terlampau tinggi

untuk aku membayar ia

kau simpan saja ego kau

biar aku mati setiap hari

aku tak mahu bohong lagi

aku tak mau pura-pura lagi

telah ku lakukan apa ku mampu

tidak tercapai di akal mu

neraka yang ku lalui

tidak ku pinta kau selamatkan ku

kerna ku jauh dari syurga

tiada apa yang kau mampu untuk ubah aku

hanya terima aku seadanya...

Wake me up, break this dream...

Slap me to my face

shake me from this dream

this is just a fantasy

this is just a lie

how long will it end

you just my dream

my pure fantasy

tonight tonight

Tonight

you hurt me again

I don't know what make you that way

but its not cool to blow your steam at me

it hurt

don't expect me to be the same after this

Hmm.... that weird...

If i stop doing that u feel that

if i do as same thing i always do u never realize

i simply avoid conflict

i just accept it

i just do,

i hope u realize

i hope u understand

i not a person with no feeling at all.

Keras....

Pejam kan mata,

buka kan minda,

lihat apa yang terjadi

lihat apa yang sedang jadi

lihat apa yang akan jadi

kau suka apa yang kau lihat?

kau teruja dengan ia?

kau pasti itu yang kau mahu?

Buka mata

tutupkan minda

adakah ia terjadi

adakah ia sedang jadi

adakah ia akan jadi

kau kaku sahaja

kau tak pedulikah

ini yang kau mahu

dum dum dum

setiap saat

dum dum dum

setiap minit

dum dum dum

ia berhenti

lakon layar telah dinoktahkan

skrip skrip tidak bertulis lagi

pengarah mula ketandusan idea

penerbit mula resah

pelakon mula longlai

kenapa perlu teruskan

kenapa perlu diteruskan

kenapa, kenapa, kenapa

kerna kita adalah siapa

tanpa cereka DIA

Nyanyi-nyanyilah...

Hafiz AF7 - Noktah Cinta

Ternyata semua bicaraku
Tersimpan di dalam hatiku
Ternyata semua soalanku
Tak pernah kau fikir di fikiran
Mengapa kau masih
Mencari kepastian dalam cinta
Dan di sini masih
Menanti jawapannya

Tuhan tolong nyatakanlah
Padanya tentang cinta
Adakah masih diriku diperlukan
Tuhan tunjukkan padanya
Tentang apa yang ku fikirkan
Adakah cinta ini perlu untuk dirinya

Berbicara tentang cinta kita
Masih tiada noktah penghujungnya
Berbicara tentang perasaan
Simpan saja semua itu

Mengapa kau masih
Mencari kepastian dalam cinta
Dan di sini masih
Menanti jawapannya

Tuhan tolong nyatakanlah
Padanya tentang cinta
Adakah masih diriku diperlukan
Tuhan tunjukkan padanya
Tentang apa yang ku fikirkan
Adakah cinta ini perlu untuk dirinya

Please forgive me by Bryan Adams

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

P/S: This songs says it all

AICDILYA

I am stupid

stupid enough to believe thing will go as i plan

stupid enough to think as i think

but all hope is lost

I am wandering what my life would be without you

I have to start now

now is the time to think that

now is the right moment i should think about this

but why suddenly i have to be like this

remember, remember the 19 september

the day i pass away

the day i set myself to die

to kill what left of me

to erase the memory i once had

to met the one who create me

God gave everything to you

but not your deadline

that is the wise decision HE made

cause what would or could you do when you time is up

I may not be the religious person

but i do have faith

faith that been carried all this while

i am at lost

lost in the world i created

the world i been living

Do you know how i feel?

Do you know how i felt ?

Do you care bout it ?

You left me

You decide it

I know you hanging around just to make me happy

I know you try to be decent to me until my last breath

But that it

I gave you what you want

I hope you love it

I been carried this pain since we broke up

You know i love you more than i used to

and that why to leave you was not easy as it could

I glad to know you

I glad to love you

I glad to hold you

oh i glad

so this is my will

what ever property you had from me is your

keep it if worth for you

I know is appropriate to say it here

But i am not manly enough to says it in front of you without tear falling down

I guess it better since we both don't know what our reaction after reading it

Last but not least

I LOVE YOU

by

S&S

The Craving

I must say

how i miss u so much

the ecstasy that u gave me

really help me

I said it many time

how i look to you

how i hold you

how it felt

It so good

it makes my world calm

around you,

i felt this

i own this

With this
i believe i can die in peace

i know there not much time

and i hope i can spend as much of time

with you around my arms

IMYSM

S

My head is head over heel...

Aku ingin lelap tapi teringat kan kisah hari ini

Aku inigin tido tapi aku teringat sentuhan halus tangan mu

Aku ingin lena tapi aku terngiang dengan suara mu

aku sayang kamu

Pelawok....

I hanging myself

i stone to dead

i have no desire

i blame myself

i am not worth it

i am a loser

a fool

a joke

a sham

guilty as charge

I suffer

yet i still standing

yet still fighting

but the glimmer light

fade day by day

barren in my chest

a hole that can not be cover

the agony is my medicine

the end start now

but tomorrow it is start all over again

30 min di atas stesen...

Aku turun,

aku lihat,

aku call,

"mana, tak sampai lagi, ok"

Aku periksa,

aku usha,

aku stim,

Aku jalan,

aku berhenti,

aku sendiri,

Aku bukak,

aku baca,

aku sunyi,

Pintu bukak,

orang sorak,

orang hon,

Sungguh meluat,

Pintu bukak,

orang sorak,

orang hon,

Sungguh menyampah

Pintu bukak,

orang tenang,

orang gelak,

Sungguh berbeza

Pintu bukak,

orang sorak

orang hon

Tiba sudah akak aku,

30 min di atas stesen,

Beribu ribu orang aku perhati,

tak sorang pun macam aku...

Kisah aku dengan LRT

Hari ini aku naik lrt,

Kali akhir aku naik masa part 4 diploma,

tahun 2007,

masih sama lagi,

tak ada apa pun yang lain,

stesen sama,

harga sama,

orang je berbeza,

Abang kaunter ni mesti tengah belajar masa kali akhir aku naik,

lalu aku pun melangkah ke gerabak kuning, putih biru ini,

aku lihat sekeliling kawasan yang biasa aku lihat ketika aku tuisyen martin,

rumah rumah setinggan yang dulu penuh ruang ini,

sekarang yang tinggal batu bata serta sisa pakaian

Aku melangkah keluar lalu menuju ke tren ke sana,

Aku dengar dia kata,

Aku dengar dia maki,

Aku dengar dia kesat,

Aku mula pekak,

Aku dengar dia gelak,

Aku dengar dia caci,

Aku dengar dia batuk,

Aku rasa dia gila

Turun aku di situ,

Mencari apa yang di cari,

Pulang aku ke ofis,

Ku duduk mengadap gadis arab,

Sungguh gebu dan montok ku lihat,

Teringat ku kepada si dia,

Ku lihat lagi sekeliling,

Ku terpandang amoi di luar sana,

Melangkah dia ke mari,

Ku ekori dia,

Cantik mata nya,

Lentik seperti nya,

Ku pasti dia sudah berpunya,

Ah, aku sudah lewat,

Aku mahu pulang,

Aku lihat dia turun di maluri,

Aku jatuh cinta pandang pertama,

Aku tau ini dusta,

Aku melihat cermin itu,

Aku nampak ofis ku,

Aku turun di sini,

Aku pulang mencari rezeki

Ini lah kisah ku di hari ini bersama lrt

Coret-coret minda

Fear of losing you,

fear being abandon by you

fear for not be there for you,

fear we both lost in you,

desperate to cling on

desperate to reach on

desperate to turn on,

desperate to live on,

Reflect what has be done

Reflect all we done

Reflect how is it done

Reflect if it can be done

Think of me,

while i am thinking of you,

see how i am thinking

bout you who think of me

Proloque

Hilang la...
Kejar la...
Wujud la..
Kembali la...

Jangan kau....

Jangan kau sentuh hati ini,

Jangan kau rasa hati ini,

Jangan kau layan hati ini,

Jangan kau belai hati ini,

Jangan kau gengam hati ini,

Jangan kau simpan ini,

Hati ini busuk,

hina, lemah,

hancur,

Jangan kau uji hati ini,

Jangan kau rawat hati ini,

Jangan kau ubat hati ini,

Jangan kau ubah hati ini,

Jangan kau jilat hati ini,

Jangan kau cucuk hati ini,

Hati ini hati aku,

hati ini untuk aku,

Hati ini mati demi aku

Pagi yg suram...

asyik asyik bangun lambat,

tido pun tak puas lagi,

asyik asyik rutin ni,

cuaca pulak mendung,

pagi tadi aku gado dgn kamu,

kamu marah-marah saya,

saya xniat,

saya xniat,

saya xniat,

tapi awak marah-marah jugak,

Pagi aku suram...

aku teguk teh o ais ini

sambil melihat surat khabar ini,

Pagi ini aku muram,

sebab aku rasa macam haram...

Aku bosan...

Bosan dengan kerja,

Bosan dengan lagu ini,

Bosan dengan kerusi ini,

Bosan dengan nada dering ini,

Bosan dengan santapan ini,

Bosan memandu jalan ini,

Bosan melepak di kedai ini,

Bosan melihat awek ini,

Bosan menunggu hari ini,

Tapi...

Aku tak bosan melihat mata mu,

tak bosan berjumpa dengan mu,

tak bosan melayan mu,

tak bosan mencintai kamu

I.M.N

True,

i never saw it,

True,

i am learning after it,

True,

I realize it,

You are pretty even you think differ,

True,

You do have that package even u always doubt it,

True,

You way better than I am,

True

One day,

someday,

on that day,

and till that day,

I am nobody

Hati itu hati aku kah ?

"Kenapa awak tak macam ini dulu?"

"Kenapa banyak sangat ?"

"Is too good to be real"

alih ku ke siling,

memikirkan hari ini,

sempurna tak terkira

ku cium bau mu,

ku peluk bantal busuk ku,

geram, ku geram

adakah ini sementara?

adakah ini pementasan ?

adakah ini layar perak?

Janji ku,

niat ku,

cinta ku,

padamu

akan menjadi satu lagenda.

Bunga oh bunga....

Oh bunga,

ku tersipu melihat reaksi mu,

senyumam mu itu,

menusuk hati ku,

Oh bunga,

rawati lah hatinya,
damping lah dia di kala rindu mengatasi ego,

ceriakannya pabila dia kesedihan,

bunga oh bunga,

Jaga la ia,

sayangi la ia,

damping la ia,

buat ku yang di sini

My mistake...

Sorry,

Was not my intention,

I take the blame for it,

Good luck for the interview...

A Failure...

The light that once light me has slowly disappear,
The ground that use to be where i am standing begin to shatter,

The future that once knew been rewrite yet whole over again,

The prison once vacant could be reopen.

Trap inside this hole with pain and misery,
Slip into the world of loneliness,
All is left are the memory,
In order to make you happy,

*

Hold as i carry this unholy love,
Run as you seek salvation,
Break this chain for you to run,

Death as this is the end for me

Beg as i beg for more,
Cold as cold as your heart is,
Dark as i swallow in,
Disappear is like a retreat

All i ever had,

All i ever dream,
Wash away into the sea,
Cling to this hope and slowly decay

*

Another story had be told,
another chapter has be tell,

another day has be elapse,
another life has be taken away...

FACEpalm....

For the first time,

FB server down.....
Congrat zuckerberg...

finally you fail for the first time...

;)

The dark side of the moon

Usually we talk bout the moon,

we always see the beauty of it,

true,

moon does look pretty especially when the full moon appear and no cloud blocking our view to see the beauty of it,

but as we look closer and closer to it,

we found that the moon does not pretty at all,

it just a desert of stone,

full of crater on it,

yet it look beauty from this place call earth,

earth,

can we compare with moon ?

does it the same level in term of beauty ?

so,

my point is,

we often neglect what is in front of us,

we don't appreciate what install for us,

earth is more beauty than moon,

earth is full of colour than moon that is so dull and barren,

it same goes with relationship,

we often neglect the person what in front of us,

we always find someone distant from you,

why ?

cause we see them to often until we never notice the beauty she has,

same goes as in relationship,

we sometime get bored with our partner until we found his/her not as attractive as before,

so is it our fault ?

maybe,

therefore,

appreciate what in front of you,

once you lose it,

you never get it back..

The pain....

"The most painful thing about breaking up,

is not when it it happen but,

is every time you have to tell people when they ask you how it happen....."

That the emo part,

the joke i was reading at Blogserius is

"They say the greatest pain is when giving child birth, but i beg to differ, getting a kick at your nut is worst because when you gave a birth, you ask another one for next year, but when you get kick at the nut, you never ask it ever..."

Trip to red house

Hmm....

Is anyone familiar with the red house at B....

If you knew, then you knew where i was today,

I met my friend at the monorail station,

After a few minute of chit chat here and there,

We walk to the red house,

Still not open ???

Damn....

So we go to the near MAMAk Stall...

So a little more of chit chat here and there,

Then we wait at the sidewalk,

All the new door, bed and fan are being install,

What the hell, is it this a routine for them to set up the place,

This will take a while....

Then we get so bored after seeing retired chicken walking around pass us,

So my friend took me to the near CC

We play Russian roulette and jackpot...

Since we play for fun, we lost at 3 round, haha...

Then we wait, wait, and wait some more...

Then i say what the fuck, is this how much i need to take to get laid,then i decided,

Let go home shall we..

Then after a hand shake... i set apart we my friend...

And thats all my journey to the red house, what a pathetic ending is it ?

Well i was bored and i have to write something to laugh at it...

Kembali pada yang mengerti...

Sayang

Telah ku renungi saat ini,

Di mana salah dan silap cinta ini

Yang ku bina bersama mu,

Sekelip mata impian ku berderai,

Lalu ku titis kan sebuah sungai,

Untuk mengenang kan mu,

Ku terpahat diri mu di hati ku

Telah ku ukir cinta bersama mu,

Agar kekal bersama selamanya

Namun ini semua angan ku,

Yang tinggal hanya kenangan bersama mu,

Untuk ku bekal ke akhirnya

Sayang tinggal sayang

Sayang pergi tinggal kan sayang

Sayang jauh di hati sayang

Sayang akan ku kenang jua,

Bengkak lah di hati ini

Jangan di tambah hati yang benci,

Kelak esok di bawa mati,

Saat manis kan ku kenangi,

Agar diri ini kembali suci,

Untuk kembali pada yang mengerti,

Sayang kembali sayang,

Sayang hancur di hati sayang,

Sayang meratapi sayang,

Sayang nya hanya sementara,

Tiup la angin di pohon yang senja,

Agar laut kembali bergelora,

Usah lah di kau berkata-kata manja,

Kerna hati ini sudah melara,

Ku semadikan kisah ini,

Untuk ku ajari diri ini,

Bertapa sukar hati ku ini,

Untuk melepaskan cinta ini....

"(T.T)"

Get it right...

well that the songs rachel sang to frankerfinn

things are not simple as it seem,

it happen,

there no need for me to say,

love has faded since that night

well,

i better get it right when i gave my heard to someone else,

twice it occur and twice the pain it hurt,

shall this wound heal ?

or it bleed and blend till i nail my on coffins

so next post is gonna be my serenade to you...

Journey

Journey

Here we are, at the edge of borderline

another step will became another leap of our life

as we stood here on the line,

look back for where we started,

take a deep breath and close ours eyes,

embrace the moment we share together,

the laugh and tear together

and look where we are now

As we look back, we saw our reflection

the first day we met,

the first class we attend,

the first time we introduce to ourselves

yet it still look like yesterday,

but finally,

we come to the end,

this is the journey we had

we know it will not last forever

and all of the time we had

we knew this the best time of our lives

Soon the door will close forever,

better pick up what left for us,

and through all this year

we dream for this moments

but as it lay on us

we stall for a moments

As we look back, we saw what we are made of

from boy to men

from ignorant to wise

from nothing to some thing

yet we still are learning,

till then

we are nothing

this the journey we had

it may not last forever

but in our heart it will

cause this is the best of our times

look ahead and see what install for us

another journey that await for us

until we meet again

my friend

this is the journey i had

i know it last forever

cause everytime in mind

i think of you guys in my head....

light....

shining bright..

sun...

burn so bright...

you...

shine so bright...

love...

burn it all...

now...

is done...

please..

let be one..

cause..

i am so tired...

to..

hang on...

how could is so soon

how could you knew

seem like it be noon

and all will be new

please...

take it off..

before..

i come..

so..

it will not mess..

for

you...

how could is so soon

how could you knew

seem like it be noon

and all will be new

love..

is a drug...

love..

is a pain..

love..

is a pig...

but...

it's all lie...

Being an auditor....

It is boring...

work, work ,work and work some more,

it is endless cycle that I being going through for the last 3 month.

after close observation on auditor,

i came across that what i been learning at U

was not as same in real world,

auditor should be more independent but we seem to follow what our client want,

so what is our purpose of doing so ?

question mark there...

what lead to this event ?

maybe is because of the basis "serve and pay"

or is just down to money talk which is the fee...

Obedient...

we are like licking our client ass to ensure we will be their auditor for term to term

as long as money keep rolling in,

we will do anything to make sure our client is happy,

change their profit, adjust their account and event put some factitious claim in report

why.. why you ask me..

is this just away of business done here

or is just same all across country,

did we bother to change this

or we just naive to do so...

a lot to be ask,

a lot to be done,

but everything will be undone,

sooner or later..